today was my first day off in a long time. finally. i couldn't sleep last night which was typical because it was the first night i was actually allowed to sleep for hours and hours and hours and not have to worry about getting up. when i finally did sleep i didn't wake up til like 2, which was nice, i suppose. but i'm kinda bored of the whole teenage sleep all day party all night thing. maybe i will grow back into it when i get to university.
the thing is, i'm getting kinda tired of drinking and partying. bad timing huh?
i watched nick and nora's infitnite playlist last night. which by the way, is actual love. and it made me wanna go on an adventure. lose a friend, find a secret gig. drive a yellow car around new york and get hailed down for being a taxi. life here is just, boring. i can't wait til i am living in a city in two weeks, maybe it will feed my thrillfactor. i need adventure. i think it's one of the reasons i have been a little bit down recently. because we haven't done anything seriously wild since going to dryslwyn castle at the middle of the night and playing truth and dare.
or maybe i am just whining?
i went to wikinson's today and brought some files and pens for uni. and two mini sharpies. got a lot of plans for them. but nothing that i can reveal as of yet. it's all classified information. tomorrow i am going into swansea to get ... stuff... what do i need? kettle? microwave? what is provided? i have not been told any of this. do they just expect me to move in and get it all as i go along? mam is panicing about it all. she has made more lists than i have and is nagging me daily about everything. she wants to know if we need to pay more for a broadband connection or if that is included in the price, she wants to know if we need to buy pillows and duvets or just the cases. none of this stuff i can answer, andthe website is absolutely no help at all. oh i don't know. and the fact my mother worries about everything just simply doesn't help. i wish she would shut up sometimes.
i went to that daily's diner place for lunch today and had lasanga and chips. the chips were uncooked and the lasanga was too watery. i am becoming a cynic. nothing is good enough for me here. it's seriously past time i moved somewhere new. i got itchy feet. i once read this book about this woman who couldn't stay in the same place for too long or she started to feel cramped and needed to move. so she did. she lived everywhere, saw the world, but never kept a decent job down. i reckon that's going to be me. maybe i will think about supply teaching. long term, like what my mom did before we moved to wales. like when a teacher went off on long term illness or maternity leave i would fill in. i'd like that. i could live whereever my latest job was and never have to worry about being in one place for too long. i could move around the uk and see everything. maybe even take some positions in america if i could find them.
oh whatever bee. get your degree first.
Monday, 31 August 2009
Friday, 28 August 2009
single girl looking for a husband. must be able to travel through time.
so excited. i have in front of me my freshers week calendar and by the looks of it, the "hey ewe" party is the big one. jordan, please don't make any jokes that our big freshers party is sheep themed ok? i'm so excited. i want to buy tickets right now, but i need to know all sorts of things before i dive right in. i also need to make sure that i can actually enrol, but becuase i have been at work all day and only recieved the email with my password in this morning i have missed the window of oppourtunity to get it done this week and now have to wait to tuesday. fail. my entire student experience bets i will forget, then arrive at cardiff on the 16th and turned away cause i forgot to enroll online. i also need to put money in the bank before buying tickets with money i have not got. so i shall do all this on tuesday. big day.
ewww. stephan wants me to work on sunday as well cause his ferry got delayed. that's nine days in a row. i am so tired i can hardly keep my eyes open to write this. i know everyone says my job is so easy, that i just sit in a hut all day and do nothing, but actually it is harder than it seems. and i am about 89% sure my boss hates me and only keeps me around becuase they need to give stephan days off. i have had way too many rows from them for such tiny little things recently. for example, not putting money in the right way round in the till. only a couple more shifts and i am done. but i really really wanted sunday off. ah well. i suppose i'll cancel my plans with my bed then.
oh god email. i don't need a penis enlargement thank you very much. stop offering me one.
i just finished reading time traveler's wife and i am in love. it's the greatest book i have read in a long time, so cleverly written that everything just sort of falls into place. alot of the time with stories about someone who can travel through time you get very confused as to what is happening, but this book deals with that with such a delicate ease and without too much explanation that you can actually believe it. i wish she would write a sequel about alba. i can't imagine that she would have as fun a time running around naked as her father did. everything is so much harder when you are female.
i wish i had a henry. i could deal with the constant disappearing and the nervous twitch when he didn't return for weeks on end, just for that perfect guy, who is always understanding, always there when you need him. patient with children and willing to give up so much for what he wants, but not you. never you. that was one thing that was missing in the film for me. that utter determination of henry's to keep clare from anything that might hurt her. the reason he had a vesectomy was not only to stop her from suffering the pain of losing her children, but also because he was worried that all the miscarriages were going to kill her. he wanted to give up his daughter, the next generation, so his wife could carry on living. i don't know if i explained that very well, but whatever, you get it. henry is perfect, amazing, lovely and most importantly, fictional.
have you ever had a song which means so much to you and you have no idea why? a song that gets stuck in your head, and you relate to the lyrics, but you have never experienced what she is talking. there is this song which i just got on my ipod and everytime i hear it i want to scream the lyrics out so loud, that everyone in carmarthenshire can hear it. it's a love song, at it's core, so i don't understand why it's becoming such a strong influence on me. i think i am realting it to a book i read, to a character i related to. no, i know that this is what i am doing. but it's times like these that i realise just to what degree music actually has an effect on me.
i woke up this morning to my father playing the guitar. i sang along, but then teased him for halfanhour about the fact that he gets obessed about certain songs and has to play them and sing them for hours on end. i take after him i suppose.
ewww. stephan wants me to work on sunday as well cause his ferry got delayed. that's nine days in a row. i am so tired i can hardly keep my eyes open to write this. i know everyone says my job is so easy, that i just sit in a hut all day and do nothing, but actually it is harder than it seems. and i am about 89% sure my boss hates me and only keeps me around becuase they need to give stephan days off. i have had way too many rows from them for such tiny little things recently. for example, not putting money in the right way round in the till. only a couple more shifts and i am done. but i really really wanted sunday off. ah well. i suppose i'll cancel my plans with my bed then.
oh god email. i don't need a penis enlargement thank you very much. stop offering me one.
i just finished reading time traveler's wife and i am in love. it's the greatest book i have read in a long time, so cleverly written that everything just sort of falls into place. alot of the time with stories about someone who can travel through time you get very confused as to what is happening, but this book deals with that with such a delicate ease and without too much explanation that you can actually believe it. i wish she would write a sequel about alba. i can't imagine that she would have as fun a time running around naked as her father did. everything is so much harder when you are female.
i wish i had a henry. i could deal with the constant disappearing and the nervous twitch when he didn't return for weeks on end, just for that perfect guy, who is always understanding, always there when you need him. patient with children and willing to give up so much for what he wants, but not you. never you. that was one thing that was missing in the film for me. that utter determination of henry's to keep clare from anything that might hurt her. the reason he had a vesectomy was not only to stop her from suffering the pain of losing her children, but also because he was worried that all the miscarriages were going to kill her. he wanted to give up his daughter, the next generation, so his wife could carry on living. i don't know if i explained that very well, but whatever, you get it. henry is perfect, amazing, lovely and most importantly, fictional.
have you ever had a song which means so much to you and you have no idea why? a song that gets stuck in your head, and you relate to the lyrics, but you have never experienced what she is talking. there is this song which i just got on my ipod and everytime i hear it i want to scream the lyrics out so loud, that everyone in carmarthenshire can hear it. it's a love song, at it's core, so i don't understand why it's becoming such a strong influence on me. i think i am realting it to a book i read, to a character i related to. no, i know that this is what i am doing. but it's times like these that i realise just to what degree music actually has an effect on me.
i woke up this morning to my father playing the guitar. i sang along, but then teased him for halfanhour about the fact that he gets obessed about certain songs and has to play them and sing them for hours on end. i take after him i suppose.
i get by with a little help from my friends.
i can't help wonder what is going to happen in three weeks time when i no longer live here. when i can no longer have three hour long chats with my sister about boys, jonas brothers and big brother. when i don't get nagged 24 hours a day to clean my room or to GET OFF THE COMPUTER. i think life is suddenly going to get a lot more interesting. i just wonder, how homesick am i going to get? and how long will it last?
Monday, 24 August 2009
like a child running scared from a clown.
i suddenly feel rather cut off. and i don't know why.
what has happened to the happy, bubbly bee we all know and love?
she seems to have left the building.
i hope she is having fun.
what has happened to the happy, bubbly bee we all know and love?
she seems to have left the building.
i hope she is having fun.
just shut up and watch me walk.
well, there we have it. today i was verbally abused at work and then cried for about halfanhour until i watched him walk smuggly down the hill. arsehole. no really. he wanted to get into the castle for free and said becuase he had passes for the children he automatically had to go to supervise them. i tried to explain that the passes were just for the children and reduced the price of a family from £10.50 to £3.60 but he was not having any of it. then he had the nerve to tell me off for upsetting his kids. i mean this in the nicest way possible, GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ARSE. he left me wondering how many other people he has been doing this too ever since my darling father introduced this new children get in free scheme at cadw. i think alot since the children were saying they go to thousands of castles. i was halftempted to take a picture of him with my phone as he came down the hill and then get my dad to send it to all the castles he owns with a big BANNED FOR LIFE sticker on his forehead. but no. i won't abuse my power as the chief inspector for monuments daughter this time. cause after he made me cry, the next person who came along was actually rather sweet and it cheered me up. so did demi lovato, which i downloaded totally ~legally last night. not. but whatever. i don't need stressful idiots making my day worse thank you very much. 3 weeks and that's it. i'm done. that is the only thought that saved me from quitting right there and then.
Sunday, 23 August 2009
party in the usa.
i just set up the music player. it has a tons of songs i love. some you might. some you might not.
superstar - tegan and sara
not fair - lily allen
remember december - demi lovato
get sexy - sugababes
much better - jonas brothers
remedy - little boots
bruises - chairlift
wake up - hilary duff
paramore - i caught myself
don't trust me - 3oh!3
catch me - demi lovato
i'm not your boyfriend baby - 3oh!3
don't upset the rhythym - the noisettes
paparazzi - lady gaga
bulletproof - la roux
you belong with me - taylor swift
if you seek amy - britney spears
single ladies - beyonce
stupid girl - garbage
shake it - metro station
send it on - disney stars
party in the usa - miley cyrus
mama do - pixie lott
i got a feeling - black eyed peas
thinking of you - katy perry
enjoy.
ground floor, flat one, room two .
well, there we go. i have a place to live next year.
well, at least that is easy to remember! but also i am a little nervous about the fact that it is on the ground floor cause i am so much more at risk there. i hope that there is a big muscley rugby player sharing with me who i can hide behind when the burglers come with their guns and balaclavas. or maybe my fears are founded in the fact that my father feels the need to ruin every little exciting thing that happens in my life and my mother is the biggest worry wart since juilius ceasar. and ever since i told them where i was allocated they have seemed a little more worried and weary. my dad even blamed himself for not making absoulutely sure there was no way i could get anything except talybont. not going to lie, i really wanted to live there, but senghennydd is so much cheaper, and i can literally roll out of bed and into the student union. which is always a bonus right?
i fell apart today. not literally, i still have all my legs and arms and such, but emotionally everything that is happening around me seemed so much more, important. like maybe i will actually live if i don't get a first from cardiff, as was my plan since i was five years old. actually, no that is a lie. getting a first from cardiff was always plan B. my back up plan. i always wanted to be famous. to be different from everyone else. to be talented and to stick out.
i realised today, that my dream to be different, actually just makes me the same as everyone else.
everyone wants to be a success. everyone wants to be rich. if i really wanted to be different maybe i should have set my sights on being a bum on the street, or a hotel maid. i did always, secretly, see the allure of being a single mom. of course, this is something i would never ever admit to my sociology teacher, who, by the way, i am currently mad at for not teaching us part of the course of crime and deviance, leaving me with a D in that paper, and a B overall, despite the fact i got almost full marks on the family paper. dickhead. i mean, maybe it's cause i watch too much gilmore girls, but if i was to have a baby now, at 18, then by the time they were 18 and leaving for univeristy i would only be what? 36? give or take? you could totally carry on your life then, and you even get more male meeting opportunities, in their school teachers (though looking at the ones i had maybe this isn't such a good idea) and the doctors who treated them when they got the mumps (the one who treated me when i got the mumps aged 18 was a fittie. and who doesn't want to be married to a doctor?).
but then i remember how much my parents have worked to get me to the position where i could just fit into the norm of being a successful human being. i found out yesterday, for example, that my dad passed on the opportunity to get his PHD so he could help mom look after me. mom moved from her home in zimbabwe so that i would be born here, and have a better chance at life, she followed my dad to a country she had hardly been too so that he could get the great job he was offered to feed my mouth and that of my siblings. my parents worked hard to get where they are today. my mom sacrified her career, her home, everything so i could grow up, have food on my plate and eventually be mature and old enough to go to university. so that is what i plan to do. even though i can't help feeling more and more scared every single time one of my friends mentions the fact we are going to be moving out in three weeks.
i really hope kiff is right and we do all keep in contact. even though i have this horrible feeling he is delusional and as soon as he has his new bristol friends we will become a memory.
SENGHENNYDD COURT.
GROUND FLOOR. FLAT ONE. ROOM TWO.
well, at least that is easy to remember! but also i am a little nervous about the fact that it is on the ground floor cause i am so much more at risk there. i hope that there is a big muscley rugby player sharing with me who i can hide behind when the burglers come with their guns and balaclavas. or maybe my fears are founded in the fact that my father feels the need to ruin every little exciting thing that happens in my life and my mother is the biggest worry wart since juilius ceasar. and ever since i told them where i was allocated they have seemed a little more worried and weary. my dad even blamed himself for not making absoulutely sure there was no way i could get anything except talybont. not going to lie, i really wanted to live there, but senghennydd is so much cheaper, and i can literally roll out of bed and into the student union. which is always a bonus right?
i fell apart today. not literally, i still have all my legs and arms and such, but emotionally everything that is happening around me seemed so much more, important. like maybe i will actually live if i don't get a first from cardiff, as was my plan since i was five years old. actually, no that is a lie. getting a first from cardiff was always plan B. my back up plan. i always wanted to be famous. to be different from everyone else. to be talented and to stick out.
i realised today, that my dream to be different, actually just makes me the same as everyone else.
everyone wants to be a success. everyone wants to be rich. if i really wanted to be different maybe i should have set my sights on being a bum on the street, or a hotel maid. i did always, secretly, see the allure of being a single mom. of course, this is something i would never ever admit to my sociology teacher, who, by the way, i am currently mad at for not teaching us part of the course of crime and deviance, leaving me with a D in that paper, and a B overall, despite the fact i got almost full marks on the family paper. dickhead. i mean, maybe it's cause i watch too much gilmore girls, but if i was to have a baby now, at 18, then by the time they were 18 and leaving for univeristy i would only be what? 36? give or take? you could totally carry on your life then, and you even get more male meeting opportunities, in their school teachers (though looking at the ones i had maybe this isn't such a good idea) and the doctors who treated them when they got the mumps (the one who treated me when i got the mumps aged 18 was a fittie. and who doesn't want to be married to a doctor?).
but then i remember how much my parents have worked to get me to the position where i could just fit into the norm of being a successful human being. i found out yesterday, for example, that my dad passed on the opportunity to get his PHD so he could help mom look after me. mom moved from her home in zimbabwe so that i would be born here, and have a better chance at life, she followed my dad to a country she had hardly been too so that he could get the great job he was offered to feed my mouth and that of my siblings. my parents worked hard to get where they are today. my mom sacrified her career, her home, everything so i could grow up, have food on my plate and eventually be mature and old enough to go to university. so that is what i plan to do. even though i can't help feeling more and more scared every single time one of my friends mentions the fact we are going to be moving out in three weeks.
i really hope kiff is right and we do all keep in contact. even though i have this horrible feeling he is delusional and as soon as he has his new bristol friends we will become a memory.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
