the bitch of fucking living.

it sucks. no honestly it does.

i went to these auditions on saturday right? i didn't know they were on until half an hour after they started and i got a text from a friend telling me to meet him there, i rush out of bed, barely put any makeup on and rush down to were the auditions on, and even though i had no notice what so ever. i nailed it. i nailed the audition and i know i did.

however, i still don't get a part. oh i have energy and talent and i should audition again next time but i am not right for this particular production. please bitch. spare me.

sorry, i am in a bad mood, i only seem to remember about this blog when i am in a bad mood. i don't know, maybe i need thearpy or something... again.

yes i am disappointed, and yes i do remember telling everyone that i was taking a year out of drama and concentrating on english literature and that i shouldn't let this get to me. but for a second there, i let myself get excited about it again. i forgot about the bitchiness and the crap that comes with it, the stress, and the annoying directors. the girls who think they are so much better than you and the boys who barely look at you twice. i remembered how much i simply loved speaking the words on a page. how much i loved letting it consume me completely, immersing myself in my character, be it shakespeare, pinter or even just a devised piece.

and the thing that really shits on me? is the fact that there is probably a 80% i didn't get a part cause i am a girl. cause girls always turn up for these things when there are only 3 girls roles available while there are 15 guys roles for the 3 guys who appear.

it's not fair.